One, Two, Three, GO!

Tomorrow I get to start the 30 day push from Chalene Johnson's book, Push. I'm so excited to start this book because it doesn't seem to be just another diet book. It's about looking deep into yourself and making new habits in your life. I think that is just what I need! So often I throw in the towel and go on a eating binge all the while thinking of how fat I am. I've already started to change my thinking - from negative to positive - and there will be many more changes to come.

I want to get another "diet" book while I'm about all these changes. It's call Intuitive Eating and it seems to be about learning how to eat and be okay with food. I'm trying not to beat myself up for enjoying somehting, within reason anyway. Too much restrictions can lead to teh binges that I'm so familiar with.

For now, I will focus on Push!

How do I look?

Well last night I tried to think positively about myself when going out with friends.  Going out creates such feelings of anxiety and stress for me and the way I think I look.  I am always so self conscious about the way I look and I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me by my weight.  (I know everyone is really not looking at me!) I always look around wherever we are to see if there is someone who is fatter than me!  I know it's crazy, but it's what I do.  Most often, I feel like I am the biggest person in the room or I do find the biggest person in the room and in my head, that's what I look like.  Sounds weird to write down, but I don't know how else to explain it. Last night I tried to be more positive about my looks or really just not think about them.  I guess I do look better than I did before I began working out so much.  Or maybe a more positive attitude would be - I do look better! Baby steps, right?

On to the weigh-in...This week I stayed the same from last week.  I'm ok with that because of my diet.  I ate a lot this past week and I'm talking bad food!  I am hoping to stay positive throughout the week and have a good loss next Sunday!

Goodbye, Negative Nancy

I had an especailly stressful week this past week and I noticed 2 things.  First, I eat when I am stressed, much like I do when I am happy, sad, cheerful, angry and any other feeling one can have.  Secondly, I am a much more negative person then I like to think I am.  I always say to others how positive and happy I am, but this past week I payed attention to my thoughts and comments about my weight and man, am I ever a Negative Nancy!  I use humor and sarcasim to hide my true feelings about my weight.  I make fun of myself and tell myself that I'm just going to mess up or go back to eating whatever and be fat forever. This is what I tell myself everyday!!!!!  Well, when you hear the same things everyday, then you become exactly what you think!  While reading Push, by Chalene Johnson, I really realized this negativity that I dwell on day in and day out affects who I am.  How have I gone on thinking that I am a positive person??   I am about to take my 30 day Push journey so I hope to blog more and work through the task that is set for each day.  In the meantime, I'm going to start working on becoming more positive.  So no matter what my weight is tomorrow I will find positive things in my weight loss journey. 

Tight Pants

Is there anything worse then putting on a pair of pants that's too tight?  It can throw my whole day off!  Sometimes I feel like all of my pants are too tight and I'm doomed to walk around with a muffin top all day!

 The good news is that my pants have gotten a little less tight this week.  I weighed in today at 197.6, which is exactly 2 pounds less than last week.  There were some bad eating days in there too!  I have been trying not to let one bad meal or one bad day throw me off the wagon completely as it has in the past.  Oddly enough, success has also thrown me off the wagon.  If I start to feel like I'm doing really well on my weight loss than I will eat to reward myself! Hello!  I am not a dog!  I recently saw a poster on Pinterest that says:

"You are not a dog.  Do not reward yourself with food."  

Last night I went out to dinner for a friends birthday and I was able to control my eating pretty well.  We were at a Mexican restaurant so of course there was always a bowl of chips in front of me.  Now, I can't ignore them completely, but I didn't eat 8lbs of chips like I would have in the past.  I also ordered tacos and left plenty of my plate!  Drinking a ton of water before the meal helped me feel full before I stuffed myself.  

I just got Chalene Johnson's new book called Push in the mail yesterday.  Ready for motivation! 

Weekly Weigh-in

This morning I stepped on the scale, as I have basically done all throughout the week, and the number 199.6 popped up.  (That is a loss of 4.6 pounds from last week and 2.8 total since I gained last week.)   I love seeing my number begin with a 1, but I've seen that many times in the last 2 months and have quickly climbed right back across the line to the 200's.  I'm hoping that my determination can keep me in ONEderland from here on out! (I did not come up with the ONEderland name...someone on biggerst loser said it once, but I totally can't think of who right now!)

I have been fighting against food all weekend, and unfortunately food has won the battle.  On Friday I stopped by McDonald's for one of their new mini meals.  Still too many calories and not good food for my body. Although, it was pretty good for my taste buds.  Then, I proceeded to eat out at Bully's that night!  They have such yummy BBQ, which isn't the most unhealthy of foods I can think of.  Saturday was slightly better, but my choices still were not perfect.  Today was an all out binge day!  We had a get together in honor of my friend Brandon's return from oversees so of course I saw it as an opportunity to eat as much as possible.  I better not weigh myself until next Sunday because I might get discouraged.

Tomorrow I may be going to lunch with some friends so I will have to tell myself over and over to make a healthy decision with my food.  It is possible!  Crap!  Thinking of tomorrow also reminded me that we are having a luncheon at work on Tuesday!  Why is everything centered around food?  How can I make good choices everyday when faced with junk so many days in a row!

On a final note, my workouts have been wonderful.  I ordered Chalene's new book Push and hope to find some inspiration!

I Ate 2 Cakeballs Yesterday

It is SO hard to eat healthy!  I gave in to 2 very scrumptious cakeballs yesterday.  I think they were actually calling my name or something.  I practically swallowed the first one whole, and tried to savor the second one a little more.  I'm not gonna lie, if I was left in the room alone with those damn things I might have grabbed 1...or 2 more!  Isn't that kind of pathetic?

Today has also been a hard day for eating well.  I was tempted to get fast food on my way home (and of course destroy the evidence before anyone noticed) but I fought the urge and ending up eating a tuna fish sandwich.  It feels pretty good to win a battle like that!

You know the saying, "take it one day at a time?" Well, sometimes it seems like I'm fighting to make it through every meal and every snack.  When I'm finished eating one thing, I'm already thinking about what's next!  Will that ever end?

Ugh!

Yes, my title for this post says it all really.  I knew that my weigh-in today wasn't going to be very good, but did I really have to gain?  Of course I did!  Here are some things that you should not do if you are trying to lose weight.

1.  Do not drink soda. Period.
2.  Do not eat almost an entire bag of nuts mixed with chocolate and candied bananas on the way home from a store.  This particular item was 210 calories for 1/3 cup.  I obviously did not look at that before I ate it!
3.  Do not eat 1/4 pound of fudge in one sitting.
4.  Do not make a giant plate of nachos for dinner.
5.  Do not eat 5 slices of pizza in one sitting.

If you read that list and you are thinking, "Duh," then you are a winner. Or perhaps you are a loser...of weight that is!  I on the other hand did all of those things within the last few days.  As I was eating each of those items I was thinking how bad it was for me and how I would probably not lose weight, but at the time it didn't matter.  That's always been my problem.  As I'm shoving fries or something else into my mouth by the handful I'm often thinking of how fat I am or that I need to lose weight.  I just can't figure out what is wrong with me as far as that is concerned.  I need to have a full-o-meter installed into my brain.

Another thing that really bothers me about my eating habits is that I eat so fast that I don't even get to enjoy or savor the food.  It's all about the amount that I can eat until I feel full and it takes a lot to get there.  For example, tonight I was eating chocolate covered strawberries.  I think most normal people can have one or two and feel satisfied.  I on the other hand was waiting for other people to walk out of the room so I could eat another one as fast as I could.  Sick!  If I had stopped to savor and enjoy I might have been able to stop.

On the positive note, I worked out everyday except for Friday.  Love Turbo Fire!

Goal for this week: Savor the food!  Eat slowly!

Weekly weigh-in:  204.0 pounds.  That is a 1.6 lb gain from last week.  Depressing.